Introduction
We all have blind spots. Namely, those places in our personal beliefs or faith where we unintentionally and unknowingly depart—to some degree—from the truth of Scripture. Blind spots happen at the corporate level too, sometimes because of social and cultural influences. They are so gradual and take so many years to develop they can be difficult to detect. As these cultural changes are woven into the social fabric, the Church is at risk of them seeping into its views and teachings too. If not careful, leaders in the Church interpret Scripture through the filters of these social influences.
Since the early 1970s, social and cultural forces have drastically affected the Church’s views and teachings about the husband-wife relationship. The consequential blind spot has resulted in a pattern: selective omission of key scriptural principles in the presentation of the topic. Biblical marriage foundations have been papered over with an ethic rooted more in secular humanism and postmodern thinking than the Bible. Those same cultural forces have mischaracterized biblical marriage foundations, instilling a misunderstanding and even a hostility toward them among non-Christians and even some Christians.
There are a fair number of biblical passages that speak to the husband-and-wife relationship. However, the trend of the last five decades has focused disproportionately on one passage: Ephesians 5:25–31. This disproportionate emphasis has contributed to an error in the modern Church by taking the marriage relationship out of context of what the entire Bible teaches. The effect is to present a different view of marriage than that presented in Scripture, resulting in errant teaching, misinformed Christians, and unrealistic expectations of marriage, frustrating husbands and wives alike.
I am a longtime Christian who laments what has happened in our churches. My goal is to uncover and explore the four foundations of marriage that have been so neglected over the past fifty years. It is to contrast some common, errant, and unbalanced teachings with what the Bible says.
This is a call for a course correction in the Church universal by tipping the scales back toward center. In the process, I hope to equip Christian couples with a more balanced view of the biblical foundations of marriage.
Editorial Notes
I consistently refer to Matthew Henry in this book for three reasons: 1) his authoritative Bible commentary has withstood the test of time, 2) he writes from a viewpoint that has not been tainted by secular humanism nor postmodern thinking, and 3) his teachings come from a balanced perspective, not too far to the left and not too far to the right.
There are those who are opening dialogues via online blogs and forums to bring marriage issues out of the shadows. Some offer practical applications of the foundations found in this book. The positive outcomes of these public forums are twofold: Couples are exposed to others who are faced with the same challenges and, more importantly, there are some balanced and practical instruction on scriptural viewpoints that are not coming from the pulpits and books. I have included a few references to these online resources because I believe they captured certain concepts in articulate and thoughtful ways. My use of these resources does not mean I agree with all the author’s or commentator’s content but believe that at least some of their content on marriage has merit in a biblical context.
Some of the on-line resources and books penned by Christian women offer far better practical applications of the foundations as they pertain to women than I could ever attempt. Desire at the Door focuses on the marriage foundations in biblical terms and defers to their articulation of the day-to-day applications.
Lastly, the foundations are a moral code provided by our Creator that guides our thoughts and attitudes toward one another: instruction that, when complied with, produces what He intends –order, peace, love, and a blessing to the couple and His name.
I want to acknowledge that each marriage is different in how these foundations play out. It depends on the couple –their personalities, what each brings to the marriage, and their individual and collective needs. The marriage foundations embody Christian principles that leave a wide margin for a couple to create the type of relationship that works for them.